USED AND USEFUL vs ABUSED AND USED UP

Article 5 of the Tribe Conversation

There is a vast difference between being used and useful and being abused and used up. Abuse is abnormal use. It is use above and beyond what is fair, good, or healthy. We have blurred these two ideas and have created an inappropriate aversion to being used and useful in our attempt to avoid abuse. I believe this is one block we face in living our best life and achieving our highest aims.

“I don’t want to be used” is one of the worst declarations we can make. Our goal in this world, at least socially and economically, is to be used and useful. This is why others desire to interact with us, and it is what our clients pay us for. There is no getting around or away from utility with each other. We are an interdependent species; social, tribal, and communal. Utility is foundational to our interactions.

We rise above utility to be more to each other. We find ways of being pleasant, kind, and compassionate. Still, we do not maintain long-term relations without a basis of value exchange, even if it is simply pleasure or happiness. This is still utility.

I believe we think it seems noble to not “use” someone. This is not noble in my opinion. It is a disregard for the value the other person brings to the relation or relationship. If we do not use them, they are not useful to us, and are not able to give or invest their gifts or contributions to us. We break the flow of reciprocity.

Abuse, on the other hand, is abnormal use; it goes beyond the other person giving or investing their gifts and value in us, and we begin to take from them rather than receive. Abuse is taking from someone what they are unwilling or forced to give. There is no place in a thriving tribe or any interaction for abuse.

Please don’t take my word for any of it. Examine your interactions and see if you can recognize where you are used and useful, and it is good. Try to identify if you are being abused and what it is costing you. See the difference between the two. To continue with the tribe conversation, go to Article 6.

Tribe Well,

Brett Labit